I make every effort to keep the memory of their father alive in their mind – after all, he is their father and I have to perform my role as a mother. Even if he committed a mistake, people need to be forgiven and then he put his hand on my son’s head and assured me that he was innocent. I make it a point to take my children to meet him. They need to know that he is their father. I am also worried – my children are still young. Would they not question me when they grow up and get to know about the offence for which their father has been incarcerated? But I am convinced he would be able to come out clean. The continuing dilemmas make my nights sleepless.

These voices of the female spouses emerged from research on children of incarcerated parents where they were being interviewed as caregivers.

With the rates of incarceration shooting up across the world and India being no exception to it, these voices are multiplying but there is hardly anyone listening to them. Wives of incarcerated persons wage a battle to keep their children and themselves afloat. In a society where gender discrimination is so deeply rooted, this battle gets tougher. Loneliness and uncertainty mark this journey besides the continuous struggle with the legal system. The legal language is incomprehensible which makes them open to exploitation and many times lands them in huge debts. Having limited literacy and exposure to the outside world compounds the struggle further. Their own internal struggle of coming to terms with this mishappening has few takers making them vulnerable to mental health concerns. If there were people to listen to them, they would be able to unmask themselves and unload themselves. Support them through their journey rather than judging them:

If you lose your spouse to the hands of death you may find several shoulders to weep on. The case would be to the contrary if your spouse was lost to the judicial system: all that you may receive is scorns, stigmatising remarks and isolation.

I am left to lead this struggle all alone. The struggle is my own because my husband convinced me that he was innocent despite the sounds of culpability surrounding me. My parents tell me: “Leave him and we are yours”: I insist, how can I leave him when he needs me most?

My struggle just does not end here. I have to prove to the world that I continue to be of sound character since now I am ‘all alone’. I am most vulnerable to aspersions being cast on my character. If I don’t earn, who will support my children but if I earn I have to keep proving day in and day out that I am ‘single’. If I have a visitor at home, I have to keep my door ajar since my dignity is at stake in front of my neighbours.

I have not known the world outside because my life was just confined to my home and my children. I have been suddenly pushed into a world that keeps asking me about my ‘identity’. I mustered the courage to tell my employer that my husband has been wrongfully incarcerated. I was shown the door the next day citing my inability to meet the work pressure. I have now learned that people are not prepared to listen to the truth. I have learnt to lie; I tell them he is in another city for the purpose of work.

I am determined that I will see my children through this journey. But, how do I counter my sleeplessness? I am tired from work, I walk several kilometres to reach my workplace and back and yet I do not get sleep. I must confess, I have become addicted to ‘gul’, a paste which I rub on my teeth so that I can sleep for a while. I feel, at times, that I would go crazy but how can I allow that to happen to me? I have to be hopeful because I have no shoulder to cry upon. Do I cease to be an individual if my husband has been incarcerated?

I make every effort to keep the memory of their father alive in their mind – after all, he is their father and I have to perform my role as a mother. Even if he committed a mistake, people need to be forgiven and then he put his hand on my son’s head and assured me that he was innocent. I make it a point to take my children to meet him. They need to know that he is their father. I am also worried – my children are still young. Would they not question me when they grow up and get to know about the offence for which their father has been incarcerated? But I am convinced he would be able to come out clean. The continuing dilemmas make my nights sleepless.

But I do want to just ask you one question dear husband – would you have trusted me as much if I had told you that I had been unfairly put behind bars?