When you started getting shaky while walking
your hands trembling
with every morsel of food you lifted
you even forgot how old I was
your prayers were not comprehensible anymore
your voice turning into mumbling.

Right after I left for school
you would start calling out my name
to make me ready for school
searching my bed each day
you would search for me everywhere,
get really worried
and then suddenly call out my father
by his childhood nickname.

You were scared for me, so much
by the thought of you not being there for me
You knew you were sick
but you were fighting
I could see.

And when I insisted-
you picked up the pen
to write in my diary
but in vain.
We kept thinking that it was all an age factor-
your vision was getting weaker
but you started seeing people
who weren’t there
things – which were not there
you saw light when it was dark
and it continued;

You confided in abba one day
told him that someone was out there
plotting against you
spying on you
eavesdropping on your conversations
and one day you forgot
my name.

Seven days before we lost you
you dreamt about your own death,
you smiled faintly and said –
“I shall live, I shall not leave!”

And you never left
how could you, amma?