The term chronic sorrow has been used to define the long-lasting episodic sadness the chronically ill and their caregivers experience in response to repeated losses. In other words, it also refers to a grief response to a non-death-related loss experience that permanently changes one’s life, specifically where the loss experience itself is, by nature, repeating itself. Chronic sorrow is a unique form of distress, as there is no predictable end to the loss experience, and it often has a traumatic beginning.

Throughout life, children, young people and adults come across various losses. Some of these losses are ‘finite’, such as the death of someone close, a friend or a pet. For some children, ‘finite’ losses can be in the form of their favourite toy or blanket that they have become attached to. Living with loss is something that all of us learn to accommodate throughout our lives, some of us more readily than others depending on the loss experience. Grieving is a well-established and understood process of differing times associated with ‘finite’ loss experiences that help us understand why we feel the way we do following loss. Not all losses are finite, yet we need to grieve for the loss experience. Over the past few decades, there have been various discussions to help us understand our feelings of grief when experiencing ‘non-finite loss’ or ‘ambiguous loss’; much of these discussions tend to be considered within medical fields or related health professions. If individuals know that the feelings they are experiencing are within the ‘norms’ of everyday life, they might take steps to build their own internal and external support systems for coping with their feelings. It is when there is a lack of recognition or support for those who are experiencing a loss that is ambiguous or non-finite that ‘chronic sorrow’ develops.

Examples of chronic sorrow may include:

• When a devastating injury, chronic illness, neurodegenerative disease, or any untreatable health condition occurs
• Becoming a long-term caregiver to a spouse or family member
• Experiencing ecological & environmental related grief as the Earth is continuously destroyed
• Situations involving drug addiction, chronic pain, or extreme personality change, or when we (or someone we love) loses an important aspect of their identity
  With these types of losses, it is often wearing and draining to be in a continuous state of uncertainty. In addition, there can be a painful discrepancy between reality and the situation one is in versus what continues to be hoped for.

Chronic sorrow causes major chaos and dysregulation within a family, and often, individuals struggle to find a sense of coherence or meaning within the cycle of loss experience. Chronic sorrow is prevalent among parents of children with a chronic illness or disability.

People who experience chronic sorrow typically benefit from others who can spend time with them, who do not try to take their pain away but can acknowledge their grief and hold space for them. People who can offer presence and stillness or who can witness grief are often great resources for those who experience chronic sorrow.

Maintaining long-term social connections with people experiencing chronic sorrow is important, given that this loss may occur throughout their lives. People experiencing chronic sorrow may benefit from intentional grief support from friends and family and professional grief counselling with a licensed therapist who’s skilled in supporting more complex grieving experiences.

Here are four things you can do to offer support-

1. Ask the person if they are okay. Just checking shows that you care.
2. Listen without judging and try to understand why they are feeling that way.
3. Suppose the person is reluctant to ask someone for help (such as a school counsellor, a workplace HR representative or a doctor). In that case, you may be able to help by offering to go with them, finding the contact information for them to make the call, or even by finding them some helpful information from a trusted and credible source.
4. Reassure them that sadness is a valid emotion and can be overcome.

Sana is a Psychologist & Rational Emotive Cognitive Behavior Therapist

sanarubiana@gmail.com, IG @sanarubiyana15 & Twitter @SRubiyana